More from the crazy day at the airport
During the day at the airport, not many of us had a good idea of what exactly was happening. However, by talking to lots of people and general observation, I was able to deduce that some people who hated our freedom were planning to blow up planes over the Atlantic by mixing Opti-free Express Saline Solution, Coppertone SPF 15 Waterproof Fragrance Free Sunscreen, X-Factor Gatorade (Berry flavored), and mint flavored Walgreens brand lip balm.
Then, they would delay detonate this Jack Bauer style using a U2 edition iPod that was playing Shakira’s new song, “Hips don’t lie” (in Spanish).
It’s exceedingly complicated and confusing to me. But it’s no wonder they got caught. I mean, everyone knows that X-Factor Gatorade makes you vomit. No one in their right mind would drink that stuff.
In fact, I keep some in the cupboard in case we have company I don’t like.
Anyway, when the NSA monitored those dudes buying X-Factor Gatorade, they were all over them; like bees on those athletes on TV that sweat Gatorade.
I also talked to a number of people who are convinced the best way to keep airplanes safe would be to ban all electronics from the flight. No laptops, no cell phones, no watches, no keychain USB storage devices.
I think this makes sense. When people are coming after our freedom, it’s smart to hide our freedom safely where no one can find it and use it. That way they can’t find it either.
The BBC has an even better idea: “Any liquids discovered must be removed from the passenger.” After all, once you freeze dry all the passengers, no one will be trying to do anything!
(I’m apparently in a weird Dave Barry state of mind from my ordeal.)
If you are really bored (and you must be if you are reading this), I posted some pictures of the airport lines on the photo site.
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