Defenestrating Thoughts from the Bivouac

I finally got new glasses. My laziness made me pass up nearly two years worth of eye ware credit from my medical benefits. Google has really good benefits through VSP, but since it’s VSP they have a large collection of smaller providers. So places like Lens Crafters aren’t eligible.

I didn’t think it would be that hard to find nice glasses, but it was surprisingly hard. Crissy and I went to a bunch of stores and everyone tried to sell me the same stupid black plastic frames that everyone wears. Most places didn’t even carry men’s glasses that weren’t variants of the black plastic look. And most of the stores closed at 5 pm and weren’t open on Sundays. That meant we had to use precious Saturday time for shopping!

Yuck. We finally found some nice frames. They weren’t perfect as the frames tilt in towards the middle slightly. Apparently this is the new style or something. The saleswoman claimed that she couldn’t see the tilt, but I think she’s delusional.

I’m pretty happy with the glasses, except that they get smudged all the time. If you just look at them they get smudged!

On the plus side, I discovered that Kleenex with lotion does indeed have lotion in it. If you wipe your glasses with these Kleenex, you leave behind a thin film of lotion on the lenses.

Hmm… they say knowledge is power, but I think the fact that “Kleenex with lotion does indeed have lotion in it” isn’t very powerful. It’s probably just taking up precious space in my brain. :-)

Some of the more amusing (and frustrating) discussions Crissy and I have are about the cultural differences between Indians and Americans. Lately, we’ve found lots of humor in some of the simple linguistic differences. One of my favorites is the usage of the adjective “simple”.

In India, “simple” means humble, honest, easy-going, and a host of other similarly positive adjectives Here though, “simple” basically means “simple-minded” or “stupid”. Obviously a situation that will lead to all sorts of amusement.

Two of our friends from India are getting married and they described their brides-to-be as “simple”; all the Indians listening nodded and the most of the non-Indians looked shocked.

As we cleared up the confusion, we realized that lots of people have had the word “simple” cause tension: from the manager praising an employee (“you are a good simple person”) or the father-in-law praising his son’s wife (“I’m glad my son married a nice, simple girl.”).

I wonder what other things like this we’ll discover. (Aside from the pronunciation of “paint”, of course.)

No, I’m not saying I have an incredibly low BMI and have no fat to lose — ahh… if only. :-)

Nope, someone cloned my debit card, got my PIN, and enjoyed a sizable withdrawal of cash. I saw the activity on my account and quickly got the card canceled. Strangely, while this someone was stealing my money at an ATM downtown, I happened to be at the bank opening a CD, depositing some checks, and withdrawing some cash. So, if I needed it, I had a pretty airtight alibi. :-)

Basically, someone installed a magnetic reader on an ATM I used and set up a camera to watch as I typed in my PIN. I’m really careful about things like this and always use bank ATMs attached to their branch; those, in theory, should be more secure. When I mentioned this to the bank, they said that I must have used a random ATM and got myself skimmed.

According to the note I got from the bank today, it was the ATM in the lobby of their branch! That’s crazy! I’m impressed, if I were going to set this up, I would pick some remote ATM, not the one in the bank lobby. Whoever did it is really gutsy. Hmmm… I wonder if it was an inside job.

I guess this means I’m a statistic as an identity theft victim. I’ve never been a statistic before. Not even on Halloween (or Christmas). :-)

Another weird art idea that would work as a standalone piece or in a short comic: bowls with capes.

Why? They are decorations for a Super Bowl Party!

Ha ha ha! <groan>

If I had any skill in painting or illustration, I think I’d love to make a series of ironic art. It would probably be similar to what Gary Larson did with the Far Side; but probably not anywhere as good. :-)

I had a random idea tonight: it would be a picture of a guy who was sitting at a table, drinking milk, and about to read a book. But he’d be crying since he spilled milk all over his new, unread book. The title of the book: “Don’t cry over spilled milk.”

Though given my luck recently, this probably already exists and I just remembered it and figured it was my idea. :-(

Q: Why can’t programmers tell Christmas from Halloween?

A: Because DEC 25 = OCT 31!

Ha ha ha! Oh wait, I’m a dork. :-(

Crissy and I spotted a strange sight yesterday on the highway. We saw a lady driving while smoking with her 8 year old in the front seat and baby in the backseat. Sadly, that alone isn’t very notable, but in this case, the lady was driving a Prius.

Normally people will make sacrifices to protect and help their family and then, when it comes to common global things, the tragedy of commons comes into play. This lady had it strangely backwards: exposing her baby and 8 year old to secondhand smoke, but driving a hybrid to reduce pollution and gas consumption.

So, what was the motivation? Was this lady the sort of person that places the larger global issues ahead of her family and herself? Or is it still a self-interested play? After all, she gets the satisfaction of being environmentally conscious and over time saves some money.

I’m not trying to be mean, but I’m still confused by what we saw. :-P

Apparently, I have a penchant for writing about toilets — wait, do 2 posts a penchant make? :-P

Today’s post is inspired with my frustration with low-flow eco-friendly toilets. These contraptions are advertised as using a lot less water than conventional toilets. The implication is that this is better for the environment. Of course, this isn’t true in reality: you often need to flush 3 times to get it to “work” properly. Seems like this is more wasteful than useful.

The toilets in our apartment are based on an impressive technology. It uses lots of water, doesn’t actually flush the contents, and often splashes the user. The only missing thing is the steal your wallet feature. :-)

And now all public places have the stupid auto-flush toilets. Originally designed to “simplify” the toilet using experience, it removes the complicated step of pulling a lever  or pressing a button. However most of these toilets flush when you don’t want them to or don’t flush when you want them to. In entire case, it’s bad.

Apparently these sensors have problems detecting dark colors. The early versions of the auto-sinks didn’t work for people with dark skin (like me) and were often called “racist faucets”. This was solved by placing signs in bathrooms that told people to face their palms toward the sensors.

Finally, here’s my auto-flush toilet sitcom idea. Imagine George Costanza sitting on an auto-flush toilet. Then he accidentally drops a ring in the bowl and realizes it’s an auto-flush. There’s all sorts of funny things here: first he realizes what happened, then realizes he can’t move, then realizes he has to move to get the ring, but needs to move really slowly, and then even calls Jerry for help and advice on what to do.

Admit it, you’re already laughing imagining it. :-)

To finish the riddle story (or to “close the loop” as they say in the biz), Crissy had no problems with either riddle. I mean, no problem at all.

The second riddle she solved way too quickly by coming up with “teddy bear,” ignoring the rest of the puzzle, and looking under my Winnie-the-Pooh stuffed animal. It wasn’t right underneath Pooh, but once she got on a chair to reach the shelf, she saw the cookie on top of my Ender’s Series books.

That proved to be no fun.  That’s what I get for marrying someone smarter than me. Oh well, I’ll get to trick my kids one day. I should be smarter than my kids — at least until they are 5 years old and pass their cookie-hiding old man on the intelligence scale.

Last weekend, Crissy and I ventured to the mall so that I could buy some new clothes. I picked up some new shirts and a new pair of Dockers Cargo Pants. I haven’t had cargo pants in a while and I’ve forgotten how much I like them. I mean, I can carry all my stuff (keys, wallet, cell phone, other cell phone when at work, iPod when on the plane, guns when I need to pack heat, etc.) on me without having to use my back pockets. So I can sit comfortably; it’s awesome.

The pants that I tried on are a fashionable green that would look good with gray or black shirts (so Crissy tells me). The ones I tried on didn’t fit, so on the way to the cash register I switched them for the correct size.

The next morning, I open the bag and found brown pants. Weird, I guess when I got the correct size I picked the wrong color. Oh well, no big deal. So I put them on and when I walked outside I found that I was wearing green pants. Magic! Voldemort lives and is attacking my pants!

It turns out that depending on the lighting, my pants are a different color. Great, now when I get dressed I have to keep in mind the lighting I will encounter the rest of the day. :-)